WELCOME TO THE KINKY SIDE – Explore what “Kink” means to you
You are curious about kink, but unsure where to begin? You’re not alone. Many of us sense that their desires go beyond what’s considered “normal”, but struggle to name them — or feel too ashamed or embarrassed to explore them openly and safely. This article is supposed to inspire and encourage you to follow your curiosity, at your own pace, and most importantly – without shame.
Marie
Founder of Moonlight Society
What Does “Kinky” Even Mean? Understanding the Term
Kink is an umbrella term for all forms of intimacy that fall outside the mainstream script. For some, that might be experimentation with relationship dynamics of dominance and submission. It can also be about finding fulfilment in alternative relationships concepts like non-monogamy or polyamory, different gender constellations, as well as all sorts of fantasies, fetishes, power dynamics, relationship constellations, and concepts that you can come up with.
The defining factors aren’t intensity or aesthetics, but consent, personal resonance, and the sense that something feels meaningful rather than forced or predefined by society. You don’t need a label or fit yourself into yet another category. You only need curiosity and honesty with yourself about what arouses, intrigues, and fulfills you on a sexual and emotional level – and the desire to create your sexuality around what you actually want and need instead of making your sexuality fit into the frame of what is accepted as “normal” by society.
Discovering your Kinks – start with Questions & Daydreams
If you’re wondering whether kink might be part of your erotic landscape, these questions can offer a gentle orientation:
🤍 Do certain fantasies feel more alive or charged than conventional sexual scripts?
🤍 Do you feel drawn to certain power dynamics, fantasies, or narratives in art, books, movies?
🤍 Do you repeatedly daydream about specific sexy scenarios happening to you?
🤍 Do you find the psychological aspect of desire just as interesting as the physical one?
🤍 Are you curious about exploring sensation, ritual, roles, archetypes, or alternative dynamics?
🤍 Do you sometimes feel that “vanilla intimacy” doesn’t quite touch something deeper in you?
There are no right answers here. But noticing your responses can already tell you a lot. If you’d like more terminology and orientation, you can also explore the Kink Dictionary, where I’ve listed common terms, practices, and dynamics you could use as a starting point to further investigate.
Go on your Kinky Journey – with Joy & Curiosity
Exploration doesn’t have to be extreme, fast, or public. In fact, it works best when it’s slow, intentional, and rooted in joy and curiosity.
DO YOUR RESEARCH
Read, listen, observe. There’s a lot of thoughtful writing and media on kink that goes far beyond stereotypes: movies, podcasts, audio books, articles, books…
PLAYFUL SELF-REFLECTION
Kink quizzes, journals, or guided questions can be a light entry point to investigate preferences and boundaries. I’ve also created a list of my favourite Personality Tests for Kinky Self-discovery
EXPLORE FOR YOURSELF
Many people start by noticing their own responses: fantasies, body reactions, emotional dynamics. You don’t need a partner to begin understanding yourself.
EXPLORE WITH OTHERS
Seek conscious spaces to explore with others, environments that prioritise consent, communication, and emotional awareness make an enormous difference. This is true whether you’re engaging in dating, kink spaces, or professional companionship.
Let’s not pressure ourselves into yet another Category
There is no such thing as a “correct” kinky identity. Some people are drawn to psychological dynamics. Some to physical sensation. Some to aesthetics, ritual, power, vulnerability, or transgression. Many shift and evolve over time. If something feels meaningful, alive, or true in your body and psyche, that’s worth listening to.
If you’ve read this far, chances are something within you already resonated. I invite you to explore further!
Marie
Founder of Moonlight Society
